Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
