you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
