I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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