I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
