$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
