i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
