You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
