Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize