i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
