why didn't you poke me back
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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