i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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