After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
