please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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