Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we're making bets on your personal life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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