So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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