I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
two words: eviction party
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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