I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
The uberlube is also flammable
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
