Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
