why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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