But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize