I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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