My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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