Where is the hickey?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
