is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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