genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
