I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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