what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
