I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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