how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
