Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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