Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
