when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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