i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
