Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
