the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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