I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
