my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
