sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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