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Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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