Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
