Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
