Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
