Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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