I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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