i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
