I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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