two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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