Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize