you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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