yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
