You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
