Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
