I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
