dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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