in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
