All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
