I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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