I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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