i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
