come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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