life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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