did you get engaged???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
