onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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