Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Randomize
