I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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