Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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