Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
