phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
