I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks