We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie