obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
