Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
