We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.