$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.