so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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