The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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